I am learning not to ask God "why"...

I am not exactly sure what my heart is trying to tell me lately. We have always prayed for the Lord's Will to be done in our lives. There is so many different things that I have been praying about and it seems like I am getting all different kinds of signs/answers. Whether it be the answers that I want or the answers that God wants me to have.

We have been wanting to become parents of "our" own child so bad. I know that we have Logan and that he is the greatest gift I could ever ask for and I know that Kyle loves him like his own but I know deep down, Kyle wants a little "Phelps" of his own. I know that I am lucky because I do have Logan. I know many people who have tried to become a parent and hasn't been able too...at least I have been able to have that joy once in my life. I hate that Kyle wasn't there to experience the whole 9 months but I am thankful that he has been there for the last 8 years! One of the happiest days of our marriage was when I was able to tell Kyle that he was going to be a daddy. The next 3 months were wonderful...and then that dreaded day when no heartbeat was found. I was so upset and heartbroken but I will never forget that look that was on Kyle's face....that was heartbreaking for me!

We have came to the point where we understand that it may not be the Lord's Will to give us another baby. And we are okay with that. We are going to serve the Lord with all our heart and we are going to pray for the Lord to use Logan in a mighty way. I serve the same Savior today just like I will tomorrow if He decides to take away every single, precious thing in my life...because I know it will be HIS WILL! (Not saying it won't be hard but I will understand that it was in His plan)

This song is always in my mind and it brings tears to my eyes every time, because I know it is His Will:

I am not skilled to understand

What God has willed, what God has planned

I only know at His right hand

Stands one who is my Savior

I take Him at His word and deed

Christ dies to save me; this I read

And in my heart I find a need

Of Him to be my Savior

That He would leave His place on high

And come for sinful man to die

You count it strange, so once did I

Before I knew my Savior

My Savior loves, My Savior lives

My Savior's always there for me

My God; He was, my God; He is

My God is always gonna be

Yes, living, dying, let me bring

My strength, my solace from this spring;

That He who lives to be my King

Once died to be my Savior

That He would leave His place on high

And come for sinful man to die

You count it strange, so once did I

Before I knew my Savior

My Savior loves, My Savior lives

My Savior's always there for me

My God; He was, my God; He is

My God is always gonna be.....

~Thank you Lord for loving me...Thank you Lord for being present in all my decisions...Thank you Lord for giving me the understanding that it is all for Your Glory!